i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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