Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
