Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
