Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
