well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
