Are we in a gay sports bar?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
