She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
