i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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