i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
