This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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