Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
