did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
