If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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