Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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