Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
