oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
