Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
