wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
