So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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