Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
