Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
