remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
