STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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