if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
