my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
