There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
