I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
