We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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