I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
