Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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