Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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