you're like a bully in the Christmas story
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
