the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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