uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
