You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The power of my boobs compel you
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
