I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
