Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
