I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Boobs speak an international language.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
