She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
