Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's official drugs can't kill me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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