I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
