That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
