He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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