I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
