so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
