and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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