If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
