3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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