Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
