we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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